Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment. It may evoke changes in them such as cognitive dissonance or low self-esteem, rendering the victim additionally dependent on the gaslighter for emotional support and validation. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's beliefs. (Source - Wikipedia)
Here are the hurtful lies that Narcissists say when they gaslight you:-
- I never said that(When you remind them of something good or bad they said in the past).
- You said that (When you remind them of some wrong thing they said about someone in past during a conversation with you).
- I was just kidding(When you react to a hurtful comment or action).
- You always find something to argue about.
- It didn’t happen. It never happened(Confrontation).
- Looks like you have had a great sleep today(When they didn’t let you sleep all night).
- You look quite well today(When you have just told them that you are really feeling unwell today).
- You are venting your frustrations from other people on me(When you are angry about something hurtful they said or did).
- You always blame others for your failures(When you try to discuss how much their words and actions are hurting you right now).
- You have problems with everyone in this world(Reminding you of your issues with someone you told them lately)
- If I am wrong, then who is right in this world according to you.
- You can’t see me happy(When you confront him about cheating/flirting).
- Do you want me to kill myself? (When you talk about divorce).
- Should I also become a loser like you? (When you request him to not flirt)
- You are a loser depending on my earnings(When you choose to become a housewife after he guilt trips you into believing that taking care of kids and household is more important than your career).
- You are taking advantage of your illness(When you are not able to serve him or need self-care).
- You are taking advantage of your pregnancy(When you need help or rest).
- No matter how much I do, you always find faults(When he creates a deliberate mess around the house or with kids when you request him to help you with something).
- Let’s spend some time together(All of a sudden he wants to spend time with you when you have very clearly stated a moment ago that you are doing something really urgent that needs to be finished right now. And he actually never wanted to spend any time with you in the last so many years, but accuses you of not paying attention towards him whenever he sees that you are really busy with some urgent official work)
- I’ll never be enough for you(When you complain).
Gaslighting is an elaborate and insidious technique of deception and psychological manipulation, usually practiced by a single deceiver, or “gaslighter,” on a single victim over an extended period. Its effect is to gradually undermine the victim’s confidence in his own ability to distinguish truth from falsehood, right from wrong, or reality from appearance, thereby rendering him pathologically dependent on the gaslighter in his thinking or feelings.
(Source-Britannica.com)
It is advised to have some alone time and have a conversation with self to feel validated. It is also very important to talk or meet friends and family members who are not influenced by your abuser, or for the best who are not common friends. Talking to someone who doesn’t believe what your abuser says or believes about you will make you feel validated and supported which is important for your sanity and peace of mind.
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