Love and discipline go hand in hand while parenting. And while disciplining our kids, we need to "show" some anger sometimes however there is no place for "real" anger in healthy parenting.
But when you are a part of a dysfunctional family or an abusive relationship, or you have mental health issues for other reasons, you are likely to have anger issues.
Children are most affected when a parent(s) has anger issues because of an unfortunate fact that is called "anger displacement".
According to an article by Kendra cherry and Dr. David Susman, published in verywellmind.com, Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person redirects a negative emotion from its original source to a less threatening recipient. A classic example of the defense is displaced aggression. If a person is angry but cannot direct their anger toward the source without consequences, they might "take out" their anger on a person or thing that poses less of a risk.
Since children are the most defenseless creatures and love us unconditionally and trust us with close eyes, they become a very safe target for venting out our negative emotions like anger on them.
Whatever trauma or mental health issue is causing the anger issue in us needs immediate medical attention for a better future of family members especially our delicate children. But for the time being and for those who have no means to get therapy can try this wonderful tip.
Whenever you are calm and not angry at your child, look at her face or if she is away from sight just imagine her face and think about how that little innocent newborn you held in your arms for the first time has grown into this kid. Try to remember how much you loved this child in infanthood. Remember how much trauma this child had to go through in this dysfunctional family. Think of all the punishments she had to endure for crimes she never committed. Think of all the love and trust your child has for you. Think of the things she does to please you and to show her affection towards you. Focus on her face while thinking of all this and your heart will melt. You will feel calm and your heart will fill with compassion.
Do this exercise very often on regular basis. This will gradually lessen your aggression over time towards your kids.
This tip is very helpful but you need to rethink your priorities in life. Nothing is more worth than peace in your children's life. They came to this world counting on you.
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