Why women in underdeveloped and rural parts of India focus more on each other's appearance rather than on supporting each other?

 

In many rural and socially backward areas of India, women often pay more attention to each other’s dressing, jewelry, makeup, and behavior rather than fostering a culture of support and celebration. This phenomenon is deeply rooted in socio-cultural norms, patriarchal conditioning, and psychological patterns. Here’s why:

---

1. Patriarchal Conditioning and Internalized Misogyny

• Women are socialized to see each other as rivals rather than allies, reinforcing competition instead of solidarity.
• Society teaches women that their value is based on appearance, modesty, and adherence to societal expectations, making them more focused on external validation than personal growth.
• Judgment becomes a tool for control, ensuring that women conform to prescribed roles rather than breaking free and supporting one another.

---

2. Limited Exposure and Opportunities

• Many rural women have restricted access to education, career growth, and financial independence, leaving them with fewer aspirations beyond marriage and family life.
• Without alternative ambitions, conversations and concerns often revolve around beauty standards, material possessions, and social etiquette.
• Exposure to broader perspectives through education, travel, or media can help break this cycle.

---

3. Social Hierarchy and Competition:-
In tightly knit rural communities, a woman’s status is often linked to her family’s wealth, her husband’s reputation, and her adherence to social norms. Instead of building each other up, women may engage in subtle competition to establish dominance in their social circles. This competition manifests in who wears the best saree, who has the most gold, or who is the most "cultured" and "respectable" according to societal expectations.

4. Financial and Emotional Dependence:- 

Women in rural India often lack financial independence, making them dependent on their husbands or families for security and resources. In the absence of career achievements, many derive self-worth from their appearance and social standing. Instead of encouraging independence, they may enforce rigid beauty and behavioral standards on each other to maintain social harmony.

5. Fear of Social Judgment and Gossip:- 

Rural societies thrive on community surveillance, where a woman’s reputation can be easily tarnished by gossip. Straying from traditional norms—whether in dressing, makeup, or behavior—can lead to exclusion, ridicule, or even punishment. To avoid being targeted, women often monitor and control each other, reinforcing the very norms that oppress them.

6. Scarcity Mindset and Limited Resources:- 

Many rural women live in environments of scarcity, where access to education, healthcare, respect, and even decision-making power is limited. When resources are perceived as limited, another woman’s success or freedom can feel like a personal threat rather than an inspiration. Instead of celebrating achievements, women may feel resentment or downplay each other’s progress to maintain social balance.

7. Generational Conditioning and the Burden of Tradition:-

Older women, having faced strict social conditioning, often pass down these limiting beliefs to younger generations. Mothers, grandmothers, and aunts may reinforce appearance-based validation, teaching younger women that their worth lies in how they dress, behave, and present themselves. Breaking free from these generational patterns requires conscious effort, education, and exposure to progressive ideas.

How Can We Break This Cycle?

1. Education & Awareness:-
Encouraging education for girls can broaden perspectives and reduce the focus on superficial competition.
Awareness programs can teach self-worth beyond appearance, helping women recognize internalized misogyny and challenge these norms.

2. Promoting Female Solidarity:-
Women’s self-help groups and support circles can foster genuine connections based on mutual growth rather than judgment. Women should be encouraged to celebrate each other’s achievements instead of competing over material and superficial aspects.

3. Economic Empowerment:-
Financial independence allows women to find validation beyond looks and social status. Skill-building programs, vocational training, and microfinance initiatives can help women focus on personal and professional growth rather than on policing each other.

4. Changing Social Norms:-
Media, schools, and local leaders must promote diverse representations of success, beauty, and self-worth.
The narrative needs to shift from "a woman’s worth is in her looks" to "a woman’s worth is in her abilities, intelligence, and contributions".

The habit of women in rural India focusing on appearance over support is not an inherent trait but a learned behavior. As education, financial independence, and awareness spread, these patterns are slowly breaking. Women need to move from competing with each other to lifting each other up, creating a stronger and more supportive community for future generations.