Financial control is one of the most insidious forms of narcissistic abuse, affecting not only the victim but also other family members. Victims of narcissists often share stories of relentless micromanagement, constant scrutiny of their spending, and being gaslighted into feeling guilty for fulfilling even basic needs. The narcissist, as the primary earner, uses money as a tool to maintain dominance, creating financial trauma that further deepens the victim’s dependency and erodes their autonomy.
One of the most common tactics used by narcissists is micromanaging grocery shopping and basic household needs. When the victim tries to purchase essential items such as groceries, clothes for the children, or even paying for medical bills, the narcissist frames these necessary expenses as wasteful or extravagant. Narcissists will say things like, “Do we really need this?” or “Why are you spending so much on food when we’re not even that many people?” They’ll belittle the victim’s decisions, gaslighting them into believing that basic necessities are luxuries. This relentless financial scrutiny extends even to the use of household resources such as air conditioners, water heaters, or other utilities, especially during extreme weather conditions. The victim is made to feel guilty for running the air conditioner in the summer or using the heater in the winter, with the narcissist calling such expenditures “unnecessary” or “wasteful,” despite the genuine need for these items.
Meanwhile, the narcissist themselves engages in irresponsible, extravagant spending. They make high-cost purchases for their personal enjoyment, such as expensive gadgets, luxury items, or indulging in costly hobbies, all while denying the family their basic needs. Yet, when questioned about these expenses, they manipulate the situation through gaslighting, framing their indulgences as “needs” rather than wants. They might say, “I need this for work” or “You don’t understand the stress I’m under, I deserve this.” This double standard not only serves to control the victim financially but also reinforces the narcissist’s sense of entitlement.
To make matters worse, many narcissists spend lavishly on outsiders to maintain a false image of kindness and generosity. They’ll go out of their way to lend money to friends, buy extravagant gifts, or pay for dinners, all to create a public persona that is the complete opposite of the controlling, abusive figure the victim knows behind closed doors. The narcissist uses this false image to discredit the victim, making them appear as though they’re exaggerating or lying about the abuse. Outsiders see the narcissist as a generous and kind person, further isolating the victim from potential support.
This contradictory behavior causes profound financial trauma for the victim and their family. While the narcissist presents themselves as a benevolent figure to the outside world, they impose tight financial restrictions at home, leaving the victim confused and constantly second-guessing their own needs. Over time, this constant financial micromanagement strips away the victim’s sense of independence, making them feel incapable of making even the smallest decisions without fear of backlash or guilt.
The financial trauma inflicted by narcissistic abuse is devastating. By controlling finances, denying basic necessities, and engaging in extravagant spending on themselves and others, narcissists not only ensure the victim’s dependency but also manipulate their public image to further isolate and disempower their partner. This abuse creates a suffocating environment where victims feel powerless, confused, and financially trapped, unable to break free from the narcissist’s grasp.
0 Comments