How to Focus on What Truly Matters
How to Focus on What Truly Matters
If I tell someone they look less beautiful than they think—maybe their nose is too big, their smile is “weird,” or their legs are short—how does that help them? I am genuinely curious. Why do we say these things to people we love, or those who love us?
Often, we are just repeating a pattern. Perhaps someone once said it to us, “honestly” revealing our flaws to show us “the reality.” And if this behavior is being passed down, it likely started with someone insecure about their own appearance, who projected that discomfort onto others.
I have seen the impact firsthand. Someone once made a comment about my 4-year-old daughter. She learned contouring from the internet and became obsessed with makeup. And you know what? She is the most beautiful, brilliant, and bright girl I have ever met—beautiful inside and out. Every day, I work to help her unlearn that lie and see herself as she truly is.
This is what happens when we point out flaws that do no harm—especially in women. Society has normalized prioritizing a woman’s beauty over her talents, skills, and achievements. Sadly, many women internalize this.
If you are a woman reading this, understand this: focusing solely on your looks may only make those men comfortable who are interested in your body. Focusing on your education, finances, health, and personal growth will make life better—not only for you, but for your loved ones. When you create a life of comfort, stability, and love, you no longer need to chase validation from people who judge you by appearances alone.
Yes, we all differ in physical beauty—but it is just one facet of life. Many aspects of life are within our control, and with effort, we can shape them to create a beautiful, meaningful existence.
Historically, women depended on men for protection and survival. Attractiveness was emphasized because it increased chances of partnership. Men, in contrast, were valued for strength and provision. Today, times have changed. Wise and intelligent people choose partners based on compatibility, shared values, and character. Parents who are conscious of their children’s growth focus on nurturing their positive qualities. Friends are chosen for compatibility and support, not just looks.
Yet, media continues to shape unrealistic ideals. We must remember that models, actors, and influencers are paid to look beautiful—their livelihood depends on it. It is natural for them to focus on appearance. Likewise, we must focus on what truly matters for our survival, well-being, and fulfillment, and expect the same from those around us, especially our partners.
Be kind to yourself and your loved ones. A pregnant or postpartum woman deserves to rest, nourish herself, and care for her baby without pressure to look slim, sexy, or conventionally attractive. True worth is measured by how we live, care, and nurture what matters—our bodies, health, lives, and the well-being of those we love.
Personal Note: The photo I shared was taken 20 days postpartum. I was trying hard to look “non-postpartum,” hoping to be accepted as a beautiful young mom on social media. Looking back, I feel sadness for that version of me—so focused on appearance that I almost ignored my need for rest and bonding with my baby. I hope this post helps anyone going through the same struggle: take care of yourself and the people you love, irrespective of appearances. A soul is far more than the body it inhabits.
Hare Krishna,
Annu Pandey
Author & Psychologist
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